Grad Life Chapter 1 - How Do You Measure Success?

This isn't the post that I thought I'd be writing so soon after one of the best days of my life. Two weeks have passed since I through my cap into the air, collected my certificate and celebrated three years of hard work with my family. I've left education firmly behind me but there's just one problem. 

I'm still unemployed...

For the most part, I really am fine. I have so much to look forward to over the next month alone. YALC this weekend (meeting Benedict Cumberbatch and blogging friends *eeeep*), filming a wedding the weekend after and visiting my dad in Chester to go to the zoo the weekend after that. I have so much free time!

All of this but as of writing this post, I don't have a regular source of income (I have a Saturday job and babysit a lot but that's mostly petrel money), and that scares me.

We can say that money doesn't buy happiness. The thing is money buys a house, keeps my car on the road and puts food on the table. I've moved home for the time being but my initial plan of staying at home for a year while I save up, doesn't work if I can't get a job.

To catch up those of you who don't know... I've been studying media production at university for the last three years and I graduated July 10th. My goal for life after university was to set up my own media production company and produce, film and edit videos for clients. The wedding in a couple of weeks is a part of that.
I'm really excited to have a job in my diary, but I know to get more jobs I'm going to need a more professional set up, a second camera and some sound recording equipment for a start. I need money to make money is what I'm saying. Ergo I need another job.

So, I've been sending out CV's here and there, assuming from ten or so I'd get some interviews, then from those interviews I'd get at least one job offer. Turns out that even completing a degree doesn't guarantee you employment.

A few days ago, my parents suggested that I consider financial support to help me as I look for a job, and while it makes perfect sense as I have bills to pay and my savings won't last forever, the thought alone nearly brought me to tears.

I know I'm not the first person to graduate from university without a job, in fact, I know more people in my graduate class who haven't got jobs than who do. It still feels like defeat. I mean no disrespect to anyone who does need financial aid, but when you're at university you set your sights high, too high in some cases. Sometimes the one thing that gets your through exams and assignments is the thought of your dream job at the end of the tunnel. 

Yes, it has only been two weeks, perhaps I should be having an existential crisis if it gets to Christmas and I still have no job, but with all this free time comes with a lot of time to overthink. What if I never get a job? What if I can't ever afford to buy/rent a house and move out? What if this, what if that? I think that the answer is that it'll all be okay. My parents will always support me, I'll never be homeless (touch wood), so that's one less thing to worry about. 

I know I should be proud that I've had two interviews since graduating two weeks ago, but unfortunately because I only got the generic 'due to the number of applicants' email, I don't know what to do to better myself. One of my biggest flaws is how critical I am of myself, I wish I could be more self-confident but I am what I am. Unfortunately.

I'm working on my CV every day because I hope that someone will take a chance on me, whether it's next week or next month. Every time I sit down to edit a video, I am one step closer to my ambition of being self-employed. With each chapter I finish of my novel, I am another rung higher on the ladder towards my dream of being a published author. With each blog post I write I am putting myself out into the world, one day someone might even write back with a job offer. 

I am trying to enjoy the time off that I have, but with the constant fear of failure looming over me I don't know how much more I can take. My hobbies distract me. I've started writing the novel that has gone unwritten for three years, I've made great progress with my blog and started editing footage from my travels in March and April, I am mostly happy, and if that's how you measure success then I'm not doing too bad.

I won't stop until my happiness overcomes anxiety and I feel truly successful. If anyone has any advice regarding CV building, applying for jobs, please leave it below and I'll try it all out and let you know how it goes in my next post!